Dance

These past few weeks have been pretty stressful with getting ready for Ireland and finals so I decided to relax and watch a movie. As I was searching through my movies I came across my old dance videos and decided to watch them. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had, it was sadness and happiness all wrapped into a blanket of reminiscing. No one knows how hard it was for me to leave behind something that I loved so much.

Dance was the one thing that helped make the world a better place when everything seemed to get pear-shaped. All my worries and stresses disappeared and all my joys were celebrated when I danced. When I was mad or sad or happy I could just start dancing and they would become so distant. Dance is a constant for me, something that never changes and always makes me feel full and alive. Its something where it doesn't matter whether I am talented or not because its not for anyone but me. I don't feel a pressure to prove myself or fill someone else's idea of who I am. I hate feeling like I have to please people and be who they want me to be. There is no experience quite like being in the studio and letting the music fill you right up and just spinning around and around and letting your emotions pour out of you.

I feel like everyone needs that one thing in their life that allows them to just be themselves and to express their fears and ambitions and just make everything so right. When I performed on stage, my adrenaline would rush through me and it was the happiest I have ever been. Feeling the light shine on me, hearing the music pulse through me, and knowing that my family and friends who supported me were there was the best feeling in the world.

I wish that I could go back to that time in my life and do it all over again but change is inevitable. Time is hard to come by and so it is difficult for me to get back to the studio where I feel most at home. One of my New Years Resolutions is to return to the studio and push aside time for doing something that is all mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing rugby and wouldn't trade it for anything. I have met some amazing people and had so much fun playing the rugby! However, I still have the feeling that something is missing...

It is hard to put in words but I have been thinking a lot about it lately and the result is this random rant. I just had to put some words down to get it all out and I feel somewhat better.

On a completely unrelated note, I want to wish everyone a Happy Humpback Day today!

snaps and taps

-abby

"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful." ~Agnes De Mille